Soul Sister
It’s the end of May 2021- we all know the past 14 months have been trying to say the least and I think I have expressed how difficult my job change has been since I had Taylor. I was taken off project management and given a typical female admin role in the construction world the past year and have really struggled. I have zero human interaction, documenting submittals and sending them through an online portal which is very mundane and detailed oriented work that I named in the very beginning it wasn’t going to be a good fit for me, or the company and a year later here we are still doing the same thing. I was called in last week to discuss where I was at and to get my hand slapped for doing a crap job and a position I loathe. We discussed my performance and as the conversation continued, I continued to get more and more upset. My male boss asked me if my kids were home with me part of the time and I said yes and that it was a major part of my struggle. (As we all know, the cost of childcare in this country is out of this world.) He gave me a month to decide if I wanted to stay and get my shit together or quit as he knew how much I disliked the work. ONE MONTH…. Like Michael Scott in The Office when he told everyone they had ONE DAY. I have the choice to ‘choose’ my kids and stay home cutting our income in half and leaving us with out health insurance or ‘choose’ my job which I don’t like to bring home 200 bucks a week and have my kids in daycare full time. When did we get to a place in this world where a woman has to choose between her family and her job??? He suggested me to do some soul searching to figure out what I wanted to do and get back with him in 30 days. Soul Searching sounds awesome if it means and Eat Pray Love adventure to Italy and Bali where I take a year off from all my responsibilities and meditate and eat pasta all day until I find myself. Since that really isn’t anyone’s reality, I have started asking my friends and I found myself googling “ How to soul search.” I saw mediate, journal, and spend sometime along with your thoughts and see what comes up. I suck at writing and my hand hurts whenever I journal, I fall asleep when I meditate, and I never get time alone so does that mean I wont be finding anything but a tired Mom with no direction? I have applied to 500 jobs in the past year, looked into going back to school and have started a business that is making zero dollars a month. How do I change that and get myself on the right track to knowing who I am and defining my why…. ANYONE?