Self Care
Before I get into this...I want to start by saying that I know the phrase " Self-care inst selfish" is ALL the rage on social media right now and everyone is trying to sell something to prove that fact.I also saw a post from a Mom the other day that said please don't tell me that my mental health state is because I need to take a lavender bath and to do a sheet mask and BELIEVE ME I feel that on some many levels....HOWEVER I do feel that actual self care as Mom's is empirical to our survival and I am going to explain exactly what that means and how it should look.
I want you to think of self care as a multi-layer cake -rainbow, chocolate, carrot whatever. A one layer cake with no frosting or decorations on the top does not really get you that masterful design, or in our case a happy and healthy Mama. It only gets you the basic yellow sponge cake or a Mom in survival mode ready to crumble any second. It takes a culmination of everyday actions and intentions to get us into that mindset where taking care of our selves is a must because our well-being and our families depends on it.
Foundation: GOOD SLEEP-- I can just hear you all now saying it now, sleep yeah right! But trust me when I say I KNOW how hard this is. My month old still doesnt sleep at all during the day and is up every two hours at night. The lack of sleep when you become a aprents is profound and I feel like we chase it for the rest of our lives. However, I also know that if I dont get a solid 6 hours my coping skills are shot and my ainxiety peaks. So, get some sleep however you can. Do shift work with your partner if you can. My bushand and I took turns with both our kids so one of us was always getting un-interrruptyed sleep at a time, cause there is no need and no beenfit from both of us being exhasuted all at once.
Bottom layer: Sunshine and Fresh Air and Exercise --- When I had Kennedy I often wondered to our mailbox at the end of our street when I was having an episode of anxiety or couldn't stop a crying spell. I don't think there was ever any exciting mail in there but something about the tiniest bit of exerciser and fresh air was enough of a quick endorphin release for me to have some time to myself, gather my thoughts and allow the blood to flow that I could regain control over myself, even if it was just temporary.
Layer 1: Eat WHOLE FOODS-- I dont mean the store and I DONT mean throw yourself on a diet, I mean eat WHOLE, nutrient dense, color foods that make you feel good. If its clean then eat it! Limit caffeine and alcohol :)
Layer 2: Lather rinse and repeat-- One of my best girlfriends always says " I feel way more productive when I get dressed everyday" and I believe that to be true. I also believe that taking care of our outward appearance makes us feel better about ourselves. The days when I don't, all I can do is comment on how much of a hot mess I am and that negative self talk inst helping either. Now I am going to step up on my soap box: I urge you to take a look at your skin care and make up routine. Read the labels and do research about what is in your products- not because I represent a clean beauty line, but because putting toxic crap on your face and in your hair is JUST AS BAD as putting it inside your body! At a minimum, get yourself good/clean skin care and make sure to wear SPF daily. If you don't know where to start, call me.
Layer 3: Time to yourself-- I cant tell you what this should look like for you, but for me this is getting out of my house by myself to do whatever or just sitting in the target parking listening to the radio ( cause that counts as self-care.) If you cant find it, ask for it and make it a DAILY habit.
Frosting and Decor: This is the area that becomes a little more intricate and complicated. If you're like me, all of these things are great but you just need a little more help... First of all, ASK FOR IT! If it's from your partner, your Mom your friends or your health care provider- if you are feeling bad please reach out there is absolutely no shame in that and most of the time just saying it out loud is the hardest step and sometimes all of these layers aren't enough. For me, anxiety medication is a part of my daily life to keep my baseline in check. Medication is an option and there are tons of things out there to help.I also am a huge proponent of CBD and any supplement ( do your research!) I think everyone should be required to have a therapist so call your insurance company and ask for rec's if that sounds good to you.
All of these layers, and intentional DAILY habits caring for yourself are critical for us because ....well if we don't take care of ourselves how can we take care of our babies?